Monthly Archives

August 2015

Where’s YOUR focus huh?

By | Coaching Tips 'n Tools, Insights to help you #quickshift, Transformational thoughts | No Comments

If you feel like you are spiralling out of control, feel a tad fuzzy and cotton woolly between the ears, and don’t seem to be handling yourself all too well, ….. then you may be focusing all your attention on THINGS YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER AND WONDERING WHY IT IS ALL GOING PEAR SHAPED!

About 5 years ago, I got fascinated and deeply interested in mastermind groups – I followed my heart and gathered TWO of my own mastermind groups which became my trusted group of fellow travellers, feedback, support, challenge and heck – sometimes even a place to cry when it felt too much. I have since facilitated about 10 of them over the years, and now I even do niched ones for writers! General mastermind groups check in usually every two weeks and have deliverables we each committed to in order to shift super fast- I recall one week in particular when I wasn’t shifting so fast, felt like I was spiralling out of my life and needed to get to the underlying reason and understand the bigger picture to move beyond it.

I learnt one of the most simple little models through a fellow coach in the group, that just slapped me in the face in a good way, and I have been sharing it with clients ever since. As I learn, I love to pass on things that I find useful, so here goes, in simple form…

There are 3 aspects in life:

  1. The things you have absolutely NO CONTROL OVER
  2. The things you have CONTROL OVER
  3. The things you CAN INFLUENCE

 

I realised in one area of life I was WAY too focused on that which I have no control over – getting caught up in other people’s business. I took the lesson and applied it. I can also get caught up in the humaness of life and was focusing too much energy on others, in particular my significant other at the time, at the expense of myself. Bothering about what THEY were doing, not doing, saying, not saying blab la bla. SHEW quick lesson for myself. The moment I recognised it in the mastermind, then I could shift it. I was reminded that when myself or clients are in any of the following scenarios, then you too may be focused in all the wrong places:

 

* battling to get pro-actively started

* have lost your way and looking at what is NOT happening, grumbling and moaning

* are expending too much energy on others

* feeling resentful and desperate

* forcing things to MAKE THEM HAPPEN

* not trusting the universal flow

* constantly playing things out in your head

* not having conversations you need but having the same ones over again

* focused on working hard, not smart or right

* not looking after self appropriately health wise

 

…… then often it means we are way too focused on number one, ie, the THINGS OVER WHICH WE HAVE NO CONTROL. This aspect will eat up all your energy and reserves and spit you out at the other end. I suggest you need to consider letting these things go as they do not serve you, in order to bring all your attention to number 2 and then number 3.

 

Get started by reigning in all your energy, releasing the need to control others or outcomes and focusing in what IS WITHIN your control.

Pay attention to things such as:

Your attitude – what is and isn’t serving you?

Your habits

Looking after yourself healthwise – get rid of that energy!

YOUR to do list – leave others’ alone!

Your outstanding tasks or goals

Doing all that you can to get a project to a certain stage

Fulfilling your commitments

…then letting go if it feels like you are forcing things.

 

As the saying goes- REEL YOUR NECK BACK IN and keep your nose in your own business and that way you shouldn’t have time to be bothered with others’  business.

When YOU are in control again, then you will start exercising a positive influence over others.

 

If you feel like you need a bit more support to put YOU back on your own priority list. You might love the idea of the cappuccino challenge. Check it out here

 

Purposeful Power Through Gratitude

By | Coaching Tips 'n Tools, Transformational thoughts | No Comments

 

“Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity: it must be produced and discharged and used up in order to exist at all.”

William Faulkner
1897-1962, Writer and Nobel Prize Laureate

Kate Emmerson - IMG_7252I wish to remind you of this amazing concept called gratitude – I know you will be familiar with it, so this is merely a nudge in the right direction so that you use its positive and purposeful power! For me this is a highly spiritual concept and using it pro-actively will truly transform your life, as I know it does mine.

In my Second book “DITCH YOUR GLITCH”, Due out on the 1st September 2015, I talk about the power of gratitude

Here is a short extract ….

I suggest you aim for 12 small things to be grateful for every day; they can be anything you choose. Do not simply repeat the same list every day, but rather wander back through the last 24 hours and find the things that you are truly grateful for. AIM for 12, as it forces you to dig deep.  Why am I asking you to do this?

One of the principles that you can start working with is that like attracts like. I am not planning to get too airy-fairy on you but this is one of the principles offered up by the universe. If you are spending all day bemoaning and bitching about how bad stuff is, well then, hey presto, there you have it. Have you ever noticed the people who speak badly about their lives are the ones who have a “badly designed” life? And the ones who speak highly of their life, with mindfulness and consciousness, have better, happier and more fulfilled lives?

How would you currently identify yourself? Do you live with gratitude or show up with a bad-itude?

Gratitude                                                    Bad-itude

More conscious                                           Unconscious robot

Trusting                                                        Disbelieving

Accepting                                                     Resisting

Flowing                                                         Constricted

Energized                                                     Stagnant

Calm                                                              Stressed

Pro-active                                                     Reactive

Engaged                                                       Disinterested

Creative                                                         Blocked

Willing                                                           Closed off

Victor                                                             Victim

I find that when I am feeling down in the dumps or mad at the world, the quickest way to shift stuff externally, and correspondingly shift myself internally, is to focus on different things, no matter how hard it might be. I might also simply want to kick and scream, and sometimes I will give my inner-brat permission to do just that, but with a cut-off period. Then I come back to gratitude.

When you are feeling as if your fire is out and you have no energy, that your glitches are running or ruining your life, it can seem impossible to find any magic, have fun, be creative and do anything other than simply dragging your heels through your day. But what happens is that your entire being, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and even physically, starts resonating to that specific feeling: the feeling of being down. It’s like you

… have no life

… are in crisis mode

… always have to rush

… are out of control

… can’t make anything work

… are always stressed

… and on and on it goes.

It creates a downward spiral, with you at the bottom of that horrid hole. If there is something that you want more of in your life, the place to start is by acknowledging what is already working in an awesome and positive way, no matter how miniscule it is to begin with.

I know that it might seem easy to say, “Yes Kate, but when things get better I will feel better and then I will start writing positive things.” I am here to share with you that it is of benefit to start paying attention to the good right now, even amidst the chaos. This is what will help you see your glitches and ignite your fire. It is fine if you don’t believe me right now, but I am challenging you to do it anyway, and the proof will be in the experience.

Because like attracts like, I promise that very soon you will start noticing more of what is right, and less of what is wrong. Perception is everything. When you are in crisis, ruled by your glitches and your inner fire feels non-existent, that is all you are allowing yourself to see. When you start acknowledging the presence of something else, it is like the matches have been found, and the flame can be re-lit. So write 12 things that you are grateful for in your life every day.

Tip: I am part of a group that we call the DDs – Daily Dozen. I used to do gratitude journaling on my own, but have found this more powerful because someone else gets to witness my musings and I also get to witness other people being grateful in their lives, which nudges me to do the same. The power of group energy is tenfold, so use it to your benefit whenever you can. Nowadays, I do a combination of writing my DDs for myself, mailing my group, along with saying aloud what I am grateful for when I’m driving. 

“What you think about, talk about and get off your ass and do something about, comes about.” Larry Winget

 

With Lightness,
Kate