If you feel like you are spiralling out of control, feel a tad fuzzy and cotton woolly between the ears, and don’t seem to be handling yourself all too well, ….. then you may be focusing all your attention on THINGS YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER AND WONDERING WHY IT IS ALL GOING PEAR SHAPED!
About 5 years ago, I got fascinated and deeply interested in mastermind groups – I followed my heart and gathered TWO of my own mastermind groups which became my trusted group of fellow travellers, feedback, support, challenge and heck – sometimes even a place to cry when it felt too much. I have since facilitated about 10 of them over the years, and now I even do niched ones for writers! General mastermind groups check in usually every two weeks and have deliverables we each committed to in order to shift super fast- I recall one week in particular when I wasn’t shifting so fast, felt like I was spiralling out of my life and needed to get to the underlying reason and understand the bigger picture to move beyond it.
I learnt one of the most simple little models through a fellow coach in the group, that just slapped me in the face in a good way, and I have been sharing it with clients ever since. As I learn, I love to pass on things that I find useful, so here goes, in simple form…
There are 3 aspects in life:
- The things you have absolutely NO CONTROL OVER
- The things you have CONTROL OVER
- The things you CAN INFLUENCE
I realised in one area of life I was WAY too focused on that which I have no control over – getting caught up in other people’s business. I took the lesson and applied it. I can also get caught up in the humaness of life and was focusing too much energy on others, in particular my significant other at the time, at the expense of myself. Bothering about what THEY were doing, not doing, saying, not saying blab la bla. SHEW quick lesson for myself. The moment I recognised it in the mastermind, then I could shift it. I was reminded that when myself or clients are in any of the following scenarios, then you too may be focused in all the wrong places:
* battling to get pro-actively started
* have lost your way and looking at what is NOT happening, grumbling and moaning
* are expending too much energy on others
* feeling resentful and desperate
* forcing things to MAKE THEM HAPPEN
* not trusting the universal flow
* constantly playing things out in your head
* not having conversations you need but having the same ones over again
* focused on working hard, not smart or right
* not looking after self appropriately health wise
…… then often it means we are way too focused on number one, ie, the THINGS OVER WHICH WE HAVE NO CONTROL. This aspect will eat up all your energy and reserves and spit you out at the other end. I suggest you need to consider letting these things go as they do not serve you, in order to bring all your attention to number 2 and then number 3.
Get started by reigning in all your energy, releasing the need to control others or outcomes and focusing in what IS WITHIN your control.
Pay attention to things such as:
Your attitude – what is and isn’t serving you?
Looking after yourself healthwise – get rid of that energy!
YOUR to do list – leave others’ alone!
Your outstanding tasks or goals
Doing all that you can to get a project to a certain stage
Fulfilling your commitments
…then letting go if it feels like you are forcing things.
As the saying goes- REEL YOUR NECK BACK IN and keep your nose in your own business and that way you shouldn’t have time to be bothered with others’ business.
When YOU are in control again, then you will start exercising a positive influence over others.
If you feel like you need a bit more support to put YOU back on your own priority list. You might love the idea of the cappuccino challenge. Check it out here