CLARITY OF INTENTION CREATES PAVES THE WAY FOR WHAT YOU CRAVE IN LIFE – the real authentic stuff! Do you have clarity in each moment, thus getting the most out of your day before it even kicks into gear? Before you put your feet on the floor? Before you get up and hustle through your day?
My intention in this article is to get you to be clear about your intention in each moment.
WHY? You get what you focus on! Do you even know what you want? Why you want it?
We all have dreams and ideals for our lives – so the underlying question for each of us becomes … What will it take for ME to own up to my life? To say YES to my longings? What will it honestly take for me to give energy to and take action on my dreams this year- maybewriting my book at last, that Harley trip on Route 66, Walking the Camino, that Alaskan cruise, a Spring reboot retreat,falling in love or starting a business? Maybe it’s time toSell Your Home and make a whole new transition. What will allow me to finally give myself permission to go after what matters in my heart? How can I embrace and then transform that pesky internal saboteur that will attempt to trip me up – because it has before? What will it take for me to say YES to what matters, and NO to what pulls me off that clarity?
Most of the time we float and drift about this planet with very unclear intentions (also known as objectives / goals) about our thoughts, time, energy and direction of purpose. Then we ironically wonder why we get lambasted and bruised from all sides. We wonder why we are burnt-out, sick, miserable, irritable, angry and depressed. If you are ever operating from the frame of “default” and have no clarity about each and every moment, then I know that you are not having much positive effect on your life or experiencing it from others’! Is this all too familiar to you?
The more clarity you have of your personal direction and the clearer your instructions are for your life, the easier it is for YOU to see and experience that in each moment. To see that life is happening FOR you, not TO YOU! TO have insight and patience when things go awry, knowing exactly where you are headed even when you get pulled off track. Like having lines for a script – you know when you are going off track. But you have to have the script in the first place. And SURE, you can ad lib it on the stage of life, but the feedback you get determines whether you are living life to the best of what matters for you! The more effortless it becomes to energetically SHOW UP for yourself.
Think of it like this – imagine sending an email up to “the powers that be” (whatever your version of spirit is), with a clear and specific request of something you want to manifest and chase in your life… then two minutes later sending them another email saying, ‘well actually hang on, I’m not so sure, I don’t think I know how, I don’t deserve it, they need it more than me….what if it’s too much too fast, oh I think I should just be satisfied with what I have …..bla bla bla. What on earth is upstairs to do, other than re-hustle your request and start activating the latest request that canceled out the first. All the doubt, the limiting beliefs, the what if’s, the other people in your head simply take over and sabotage your real wants and desires. The moment you waiver and second guess the initial expanded request…your re-gig the reality and confuse the whole shindig.
Imagine the poor receiver of these emails, who was actually on a very clear job to start fulfilling the first one, who is now scurrying back and forth to try and delete the initial instruction…then wait…. 2 minutes later another email comes through confirming the original one – and on and on and on it goes back and forth. The real irony is that there you sit in your life bemoaning why you are not getting what you say you want. But you do not clearly state what you want! Or when you do – you dither about, with a total lack of clarity.
GET CLEAR ON YOUR INTENTION! #CLARITY MATTERS!
Having clarity of intention directs your energy, actions and BEING-ness into sharper focus, and therefore you experience better possibility of ‘it’ being delivered into your life. Clarity of intention enhances the user experience of life. Clarity is one of the ways to help support your dreams become goals, and goals to become manifest and experienced in your life. Crystal clear intention.
Clarity of focus = ease of execution of tasks.
When last did you sit yourself down, take a stock take, and get uber clear on WHAT YOU WANT? Perhaps today is the time to do just that?
It is important to find the energy to pull some of your dreams off the top shelf, dust them off and activate them. You have already heard that a goal is simply a dream with a deadline. To make it come true, a dream needs to be given attention, love, energy, focus and passion. Then it becomes real, tangible and achievable – yes, you might have to walk through some sludge, become a better version of yourself and learn to outwit your own sabotaging inner demons, but unless you activate some juicy goals in life, where’s the exhilaration of chasing things that matter? Pipe dreams are brave but become cowardly if they remain pie in the sky. Something you “talk” about but never “do.” You have to drum up some pure courage to dare to boldly chase after them, not just think about them. Although it is wonderful to prance through life with no fixed clarity, it can be one of the greatest joys to dust off your dreams and be bold enough to commit to them. NOW!
TOP TIPS! This is what I do…maybe something will help you?
Create a mindful INTENTION / THEME for your YEAR AHEAD – it doesn’t have to be the beginning of a new calendar year as you can use the timing of a new season, birthday, anniversary, illness or whatever necessary to mark a new start. I always re-look mine in April, my own birthday month. This intention is usually one or two words or a punchy sentence that exhilarates and inspires me. This will influence EVERYTHING else you choose to focus on for the rest of the year. It’s a guiding beacon, a way to come back when losing your thread. You can even create a vision board or some other creative way of capturing and energizing this intention/ essence/ theme. I teach my clients all about vision boards. goals and actions in my book DITCH YOUR GLITCH or work directly on this in private VIP days.When in doubt, you can always come back to the clarity of your intention for the year, to re-check what you are focussing on, or whether new goals are aligned with this bigger purpose. My own theme for 2019 is CONNECTED RENEWAL. This is informing EVERYTHING I choose to put my energy into this year! I change mine annually to help me re-focus and re-strategize, rather than plodding on by default. It is helping me determine what work I agree to, what retreats I am planning, where I am going on holiday, what new projects I am committing to, who I hang out with …..all in the name of deeper connection and personal renewal. We’re only in the 4th month of the year, I can already see the impact of following this purposeful clarity of intention.What about you – what’s your theme for the year ahead? If you don’t have one, but just have several goals – perhaps you can dig deeper to find your theme? Great exercise to do with friends or partner!
Next create monthly ALIGNED AND CLEAR GOALS: smaller bite-size chunks of things to accomplish each month along the way to your achieving your bigger annual goals /intention. The trick is that your goals need a regular update and stock take. Create clarity by setting up a monthly date with yourself, (and your immediate family) to review what you are proud to have accomplished in the last month, and pre-plan or pre-pave your focus for the month to come. So regularly do a little check-in with yourself, in line with the year – think of it as dovetailing and aligning your goals, and therefore your day-to-day actions into your theme for the year ahead to ensure you move one step closer to actioning your dreams.
Next, you need to think about EACH AND EVERY DAY and how you are going to get the most of each day in line with your month, in line with your theme for the year. There is a concept called “BATCHING” – where you batch together like tasks with like tasks to stay clear about your intention in every single part of every day. Focus all your time and energy as often as possible on ONE THING. (Read this as …DELETE MULTI-TASKING!) Stop operating on the global default of busy, busy, busy and efficient, and rather think about how to be more single-minded, purposeful, focussed and EFFECTIVE. Doing that which really counts, honestly brings joy, moves you into a deeper love of your life and how you are living it. Be ruthlessly precious about your energy and your time management!For e.g., when you are returning business calls, batch them all together to get into that zone – I usually do not take calls unless I know who they are from, and even then I need to be in the right energy zone to talk with purpose. I find it is easier to let my phone go to voice mail, then ring back when I am free of obligations, clear about my intention and 100% focused in the appropriate mode for those calls. Imagine if the big break you want and the big deal you have been waiting for comes through on a phone call and you answer with a hurried “off tone” – your first impression is irreparable!* When doing emails, could you do 20 solid minutes rather than mixing it all up with calls, interruptions and mail?*When you are driving – DRIVE! It’s scary enough out on the roads without simultaneously eating, talking and sms’ing.*Set forth an intention for a specific amount of time – 20 minute batches are great for staying focused and keeping your intention clear by pre-paving the next slot of time.
Manage your TRANSITIONS between different tasks throughout the day. This is about getting crystal clear about what you have just completed, and the next task you are about to embark on. This is about creating a small PAUSE between tasks, regather your energy and intention before you tackle the next thing. Too often we MORPH between tasks, schmushing (my own word) unconnected things together. This creates hazy thinking, lazy brain activity and reduced efficacy! Just a small PAUSE to re-harness your attention before you gallop off again. TRY IT!WANT TO ENJOY MY LATEST FREE COURSE? It’s titled THE STRATEGIC POWER OF DISCONNECTING! Free series to help YOU shift your life with ease and grace. CLICK HERE With Lightness, Kate
Not because any form of Journalism or English Lit featured as my university majors (good job that is not a requirement for writing or getting published) as they did NOT – try Industrial Psychology and Human Geography as my weird combo.
I write because I LOVE to write. Even when I feel I am dragging stuff out of me, I love to write. It gives me a sense of purpose and place.
Sometimes it feels as though it’s the very air I breathe– necessary to my survival. It has felt that way since I was 14 in my “dear diary” era. Writing then about the boys I saw on the bus who smiled at me, the kitty that purred for a cuddle, the revolting man m@sturbating in the car on my walking route to school, the top 40 playlists and what party is coming up this weekend… Oh to be 14 and in love again?
It’s a way of finally taking the thoughts that swirl relentlessly around my mind, demanding time and attention and that have the desire to seduce or destroy me and finally letting them settle through me. Gently settle. By giving them a small space in the world, space from which I can survey them at last – perhaps to shut them up, ignore or befriend them, sometimes even laugh at them – and then I am able to move on to the next step in life. It all makes sense again.
At other times it’s out of self-created guilt. If I have the gumption to utter the words “I AM A WRITER”, then best I lean into that. I know it’s essentially a verb in feeling. Well theoretically ‘writer’ is a noun of course, but for me daring to be a writer has to be a verb. Which means I am only a writer when I am writing. I cannot call myself a writer and be a thinker. Or a cogitator. Or a procrastinator hoping to write. That’s a lie, it’s deceitful. So I am a writer when I am writing. Simple. A writer because of my writing or even in spite of my writing. In my personal view of the world, I became an author when I was published. That can never be taken away from me. Author is more of a noun for me – but writer, mmm, that demands attention, discipline, love, care, time, BUMTIME as we call it on our writing mentorships. It requires the continuous clumsy clickety-clack of the keyboard or the scratch of my pen scrawling morning pages. A verb that means “get to it Kate” -otherwise I am not a writer.
And then, ah, then, there are “Morning Pages”- my true delight. A nudge from my soul for four decades that was given a name thanks to “The Artist’s Way”. Morning pages are a way to purge my insides on paper, a way to love life in letters and words, sentences and jumbled ideas, a way to process emotions I daren’t even utter out loud to the world or myself. A way to gently wake up in the sleepy space of possibility. A way to capture that fleeting moment between worlds when the thinking brain has not yet given in to caffeine, chores or stress. When the world is quieter and calmer. When my emotions dare to be more vulnerable and tumble onto the page. Most times NEVER to be read again. They simply have to come out…
And then I write because I love what it potentially facilitates– sometimes even a beacon of light to clients and readers around the world. Perhaps a flicker of hope as they read some of my personal stories, tap into my “expertise”, ideas or my writing style that is akin to “kick with compassion”. There is nothing quite so lovely or gratifying as someone out there letting me know my words and writing, books or blogs has truly changed their life. Is busy changing their life. Opening their eyes. Helping their hearts. Healing their souls. That somehow they got the courage, gumption, skill, and know-how to DO something differently. Clear the clutter, live their values, leave that job, travel the world, ask for more, live with less, say no, say yes, speak their truth and shine their light. THEIR LIGHT! Be more of who they wish to be. What a real privilege that is!
And sometimes I write because I am mad. Or happy. Or pissed off at the world. Sometimes I even believe I can be a little poetic and romantic, a tad funny and mostly kickass. But I never write because I am a brilliant or even great writer. I would never claim that position. I write simply because I write.
I also write as a form of personal legacy. I leave a little bit of me, the real me, behind in this world. For women like me who chose to never bear children, words I pen in a book can live beyond me and that brings me joy and a sense of (false) longevity.
Recently I found myself writing less.Thinking more. Cogitating and ruminating my life and my choices more. Potentially dangerous. I can get too melancholy that way as it stays inside and doesn’t get processed through me and out the other side. Too passive. Too dark and dingy a hue of blue. Not enough light shining inside. So, a few months ago upon landing in Greece, I recommitted to the VERB of writing DAILY morning pages. Not the “when I feel like it” kind. The wake-up, get up, make my bed, brew coffee, start writing before the coffee has intravenously-filled-my-blood kind. the only kind.The ritual kind. The raw kind. The vomit insides out on the pages kind. The kind kind. There is a sense of rhythm in that when there is no other rhythm in this time of not knowing. It gives me an anchor.
And THAT is essentially why I write – to have a small anchor in the world.
So tell me, why do YOU write?
DREAM TO DRAFT MENTORSHIP:
If you would like some structure, skill, and discipline to finally write your book, then why not join our DREAM TO DRAFT mentorship. Done ONLINE from anywhere in the world we will take you by the hand and walk that path with you. Facilitated by Sarah Bullen and myself (with input from many industry professionals) – Sarah is an international writing coach, author and book agent, and myself, international speaker, multi-published author and all round ass-kicker. Our simple aim is to get you to the first step – YOUR DRAFT DONE! Then you are on your way to being able to publish or self-publish your book.
I recently had the divine pleasure of a long weekend in Roma to run a special retreat for 8 people. Visiting the Trevi Fountain is always a highlight for anyone happening upon Rome- throwing a coin into the aqua water (above) to make a wish. And whilst doing just that, I also realized that there isn’t really such a thing as a wish or wishful thinking. There are really only intentions and dreams that we decide to make into goals. Certain choices we make and things that fascinate us that we decide to put on the radar to bring to fruition – if that is what is meant to be. Often I find that life even has much better things in store for us than what our wildest dreams and wishes could ever imagine.
No matter what the year has thrown at me – I LOVE and REVERE this time of year as we get down to the last two weeks before we say goodbye to 2017. For many many years I have been facilitating something I call CLOSE OUT STRONG. I do it as a facilitated process over a few weeks PLUS offer it as a 5-day process done from ANYWHERE in the world. I never forget my first year as a life coach in 2003 and I decided to create this process for myself. I just knew I needed to look back before looking forward. It became part of my annual ritual. A way to make sense of the year gone by in order to help me STEP UP in the next year to come.
It is the loose ends with which (wo)men hang themselves. Zelda Fitzgerald
Why do we even care about CLOSING OUT STRONG? Well your mind and heart finds it easiest to remember the start and the end of anything. So how you kicked off the year and how you say goodnight and put it to bed, are what matter most. I know you have been thrown some challenges, both acute and chronic this year. My circle of clients, friends, family, colleagues feel the same way- it’s all there written on the walls – the Ups and Downs. Downs and Ups. The question simply is- what have been YOURS been this year?
It’s not ALL good or ALL bad is it? Depending on where you are right now it can be too easy to fixate on one of the polarities.
I am passionate about teaching and living the art of letting go, and we need to let 2017 go! We need to harness all the amazing insights and lessons from it, say thank you where required, and pat ourselves on the back for the awesome stuff too.
It can be super easy to do, you just need to create a pocket of time. But you might also want some direction and pointers of what I do in my own life and with clients.
Where you start is not as important as where you finish! Zig Ziglar
If you feel that some conscious questions could help you close out the year, here are a 6 short extracts taken from the 5-day process CLOSE OUT STRONG.
1. Describe 2017 as if it was the title of a book to capture theESSENCEor THEMEof the year. Be creative and wacky if need be.
2. What are you most PROUD of this year?
3. Find one HIGHLIGHT in each of the following 8 aspects of your life, to ensure you do a full sweep of your life.
Home & Family
Fun & Leisure
Relationships & communication
4. What was your #1 CHALLENGE this year?
5. What QUALITIES/ STRENGTHSdid you call on to overcome this challenge?
6 . LOOSE ENDS? Is there anything that would be awesome to complete in order to finish off the year STRONG? Could be a last minute appointment to book, finishing that business plan, sending thank you letters, helping someone in your circle, saying yes to that piece of work…
Anything that will give you the final close out you deserve?
For even more insight for yourself, you can do the full 5 day process where we
1) STEP IN – Reflect on your year gone by with purpose 2) STEP UP – Complete the dreaded incompletes lurking, draining your energy 3) HARNESS your year’s wisdom with hindsight to amke the most of it 4) Acknowledge all-important USHERS in your life – a special process! 5) Put the year elegantly to bed and LET GO. 6) STEP OUT into 2018 with clarity and enthusiasm.
Don’t drag 2017 into the new year with you! Set yourself up for an amazing start to 2018
That dreaded time in your life lurks ominously over your head, threatening to unleash droplets of blood and boredom if you don’t make THAT imminent change. This post is to remind you to listen to the words burning in your soul, and take that leap. Whatever YOUR leap is. We often call it a leap of faith, and sometimes it’s more akin to a leap of stupidity and recklessness and yet we somehow then learn the faith along the way!
But #LEAP we must and #SHIFT we will.
20 months ago, the gorgeous space and “community” I called home was about to “disband” and the moment I heard that news, as devastating as the reason was for the others, a flicker of excited energy bubbled up. An answer to a question I had been mulling plopped into my space instantaneously. Within 5 minutes I had it all planned out. I instantly knew that I did not want to create another home in that same city. I needed something a little drastic and scary to step into and help me LEAN into my work and my life a whole lot more. I had been talking about a concept for many years and dreaming about it more strongly for the previous 18 months.
Being #locationfree, a digital nomad on a decadent odyssey.
I share some intimate stories of my vision boards and goals I had created over the years to utilize the clever little RA system in the brain (see DITCH YOUR GLITCH) that had ensured I manifested travelling for more than 6 months of the year for work abroad, but THIS notion of #locationfree was a step deeper. A huge step deeper.
A traveling/ working /global nomad lifestyle.
You see my message and motto I share is #LIVELIGHTLIVELARGE – about letting go of all the STUFF that holds us back to unleash ourselves into a life of magnificence. It was time to up the ante in my own life. My vision is one day to have 3 homes that are part of a bigger, bolder lifestyle, perhaps even co-owned and shared with others and making money when I’m not there. But before I get to that point, that also means exploring where I might want those homes to be. And that is hard to do when one keeps gravitating BACK to your current home. I kept returning to JHB even when I didn’t love it because my home-base was there, my STUFF was there, my car and books, my tree house and art, my life and friends, my partner and my gorgeous cat, Stripey was there. Lucky for me, one of them gets to come WITH me a lot of the time as we carve out a lifestyle together.
About 15 years ago, staying with my friend in London, I read an extract from a beautiful poet/author’s work, “Crossing the Unknown Sea”, by David Whyte. Here is a snippet of that longer extract.
“Tell me about exhaustion,” I said.
He looked at me with an acute, searching, compassionate ferocity for the briefest of moments, as if trying to sum up the entirety of the situation without missing a beat, as if he had been waiting all along, to say a life-changing thing to me. He said, in the form of both a question and an assertion;
“You know the antidote for exhaustion is not necessarily rest?”
“The antidote for exhaustion is not necessarily rest”, I repeated to myself woodenly, as if I might exhaust myself completely before I reached the end of the sentence.
“What is it then?”
“The antidote to exhaustion is wholeheartedness”
He looked at me for a wholehearted moment, as if I should fill in the blanks. But I was a blank to be filled at that moment, and though I knew something pivotal had been said, I had not the wherewithal to say anything in reply. So he carried on;
“You are so tired through and through because a good half of what you do here in the organization has nothing to do with your true powers, or the place you have reached in your life. You are only half here, and half here will kill you after a while. You need something to which you can give your full powers. You know what that is; I don’t have to tell you.”
He didn’t have to tell me Brother David knew I wanted my work to be my poetry.
I too wanted more and more WHOLEHEARTEDNESS in my life. I needed to up the ante another notch. Have you ever felt so tired that you wish you could sleep for a year, hell even a decade and then wake up with the energy of a freshly fed 4-year-old? When not only your bones ache but your soul aches? Yes, I thought you would recognize what I’m saying. I have been there several times throughout my life. But in 2015, something different was creeping upon me – a feeling of, dare I admit it, BOREDOM. I was being called to a new way of life, a new way of living and a new way of being.
Time to leap into WHOLEHEARTEDNESS.
So, I embarked on my #locationfree adventure, free from excess, free from one fixed abode, free from a cupboard of crockery or a few extra pair of heels, free from books and now it is 18 months down the line. The hardest question to answer currently from other people I meet is…so where is your home Kate?
Call me up and ask me, and see what I say in response.
Today, 27th October, whilst ambling over the hill from my gorgeous waterfront house I’m looking after to the small village of Pointe Richmond on the east bay of San Francisco – with laptop underarm and a cute writers café I had previously visited as my destination, I wondered what I could, would or should write about today.
As you may know from past blogs, I am less inclined at this phase in my life and business to write blog posts and newsletters because the social media schedule demands it – I cannot be a$$ed to do that to be honest, as then it just feels too forced. Yet I actually feel as if I write to YOU all the time. I am constantly processing beautiful places, people, ideas and connections. I am constantly writing in my head, saying – ooh that’s a great blog idea but sometimes that’s simply where it stays, in my head. Can I push out books, blogs, and articles for consumption? Hell yeah and I have done 1000’s over the past 14 years since embarking on life as a coach, so now I simply write when I feel called to tell you something. And today I am called!
Skipping down the hill, I thought mmmm, maybe I can just write down and share my maverick life hacks for showing up on this #locationfree adventure. So here you go…#locationfree #minimalist manifesto
SHOW UP You can think, dream and talk about a concept all you want till those cows come home, but mostly life demands that we show up full tilt before we can really access it! You have to leave your home, literally leave your comfort zone, leave your safety net to witness the real magic unfold. If you are currently being called to a place, whether to visit, live, work or do community work, sort out your life in whatever way you need to, and just GO SHOW UP. When you take one step, life will throw ten you more in your favour to support your journey. But you have to be willing to make the first move, no matter how flipping scary and how much everyone else will test your crazy notions.You want to do WHAT? Have you thought about ….and off they go rampaging about why you should NOT do what your heart demands that you do.
WHAT’S YOUR SIGN? Know how life gives you signs, support and encouragement along the path so that you can tune in better – mine is LEMONS! Yes really. Not white feathers, black cats, clouds in a certain shape, but good ol’ fashioned fresh lemons. One morning in Lesvos, Greece this year, awaiting the arrival of my mum on a charter flight from the UK later that day, I went for a very early stroll around the bustling port of Mytilene, before the rest of the world woke up. I usually start off my day with the juice of a fresh lemon in room temperature water.I had been traveling for 2 days from South Africa and suddenly craved, really craved my morning lemon ritual. It keeps me regular, alkalizes my body, boosts my immune system especially with all the traveling, and gives my stomach a rest before I guzzle coffee. But NO shops were open for another 3 hours – it’s Greece, continental laid back time! But I was CRAVING my lemon. Next thing, within about three minutes I was walking around a sharp corner of the cobbled street, marching up the hill towards the fort on the hill for a gorgeous lookout view, when I almost stepped on it.There at my feet lay one perfect lemon instantly manifested. I burst out laughing. Like a magic trick – POOF. But there was no one around, no kids playing trick or treat, and not even a lemon tree above me to have generously dropped it on my path. Just a beautiful, bold, ripe juicy lemon at my feet. Of course, I picked it up, caressing its oily skin, smelling it and grinning for an hour till I found a coffee shop open. I do regret never having taken a photo of it in situ to show you, but here is the next best thing.
My magical lemon
I asked the owner of the coffee shop for water and a cup, and some utensil and proceeded to get stuck in while she made my coffee. She kept glancing over at me smiling – whilst I tried to explain, Kalimera, I found this… I felt like every part of the universe was conspiring WITH ME that morning. I have many lemon tales on my journey around the world to show me I am on the right path. Perhaps there is a book in this idea!
HELP PEOPLE TO HELP YOU I am always looking for ways to help people out in life, it is such a delight for me to do – so I have adopted and embedded the idea that people love helping me out too! It’s about letting the energy keep flowing in and out. So I have learned the art of being bolder and cheekier in asking people for specific help and telling them what I am doing and why so they know my vision for life and work. I figured I have nothing to lose and it might even inspire someone, plus what you don’t ask for, you don’t get. When I got to the USA, I reconnected with everyone this side of the pond to say hello and check in, and then would share what I was up to– whether to share that I was available to house-sit, wanting to connect with people in the realtor world, or just see who they felt they needed to introduce me to. I make it my job to be interesting company, thoughtful and always leave a space better than I find it, to leave a bit of my energy in my wake. I call it spreading the light. To make people feel good, smile and bring some joy.One such meeting was with a friend and colleague Anthony -we met on my very first visit to the USA about 4 years ago when I came to study with Brendon Burchard. I saw him again back in March just as he was about to attend a friend’s wedding, and we grabbed a food truck lunch in the heart of San Fran. Staying in contact with people you like and respect is so vital. Keep those connections flowing! Don’t just show up when you need something, that’s tacky! He said back then if ever you need anything, just ask.So I did.I drove 90 minutes to go and see him close to his work, took copies of my new book and asked for help! This guy is such a rock star that he is now ON Brendon’s stage sharing his story and collaborating with Brendon. FYI – that is HUGE. I feel so blessed to know him. A former pro-NFL player, now changing the world with his story and lifestyle products. I literally asked him if, as a guest speaker, there was any way he could get me access to attend the course as his guest. #cheeky! I know what an awesome environment Brendon Burchard events are for both learning and connecting – the first time I attended one was the precursor to me being invited as an expert in the award-winning movie, The Secrets of the Keys in the USA. So Anthony managed to get me on the list. I then panicked, as my cash flow was getting low, really low, yet lo and behold some work landed in my lap that week with the YPO. I started asking around for a lift from San Fran to San Diego and a roommate at the hotel, and ta da ta da ta da…I landed up meeting the only person I was meant to meet and collaborate with on my big idea for my book. Watch this space! I now have a global partner and we are adding another whole component to the book!Show up and help people help you! Remember my mantra if you have ever heard me talk at an event. Step by step…
The gorgeous Mr Hustle, Anthony and Miss Niki – my new global partner
Dress up for dinner
BE HARDCORE WITH PARING DOWN YOUR BELONGINGS! I don’t know what that means for YOU, but how do you be hardcore compared to how you are currently living? For me, that meant totally letting go of my gorgeous tree house in the heart of a big city and all my belongings except for 3 boxes and a piece of art. Stuff that I figured I would ship to another country one day. The hardest part? My big Tiger Stripey going to live with my dear Megan, and all the books. Yes, all the books signed by the authors I know.I literally travel with everything else that I own, except, wait, I fib; I leave my salsa dancing shoes under my boyfriend’s bed! For the rest, when it’s time to move, I open up the cupboard and pack everything into my case and head to the airport, ferry, or car. And I hate to confess that STILL, that darn rule of 80/20 applies. I have one suitcase of clothes, and yet I probably don’t touch close to 60 percent of it most of the time. I have party clothes, smart corporate clothes, sexy dresses, comfy travel stuff and casual wear. And 7 pairs of shoes! All in ONE international 23kg suitcase! Don’t believe me? Well then pick me up at the airport if you can beat Naldo to the arrivals! What would hard-core look like for you?
THE LOW DOWN – IT GETS REALLY LOW! I have to be honest and say #locationfree is ALSO tough! So is your life in some areas. Deal with it gracefully!
Tis true- we WORKED on a cruise ship to Mexico!
I’m still a working girl. I need to work, I have to work, I yearn to work, and I want to work. I also still honestly need an income; like most of us do and even if I had a million bucks buffer in the bank I know I would still be doing 80% of what I’m doing. It’s in my bones. All that my current chosen lifestyle of #locationfree means is that I no longer work from one city or country or have an address to call my own home. I don’t call any country home right now. But as much as glamorous destinations and a gorgeous photo roll is – filled with deep blue Aegean sea and daily rock swims with dedicated writers, exploring the ruins of Athens and Delphi, lavish housesits with stupendous views of San Francisco, living with a Siberian cat in the very heart of London, spending 4 months with my mum, delightful rendezvous, connections and conversation in JHB with my partner Naldo, being captivated by European summers, cruising to Mexico and everywhere else in between looks and is delightful – it definitely, most definitely has a flip side. Every single choice we make has the pro and the con side. It is no different. My view is just different.
It gets tough. I get lonely – even though I strike up conversations with total strangers, I spend a LOT of time completely on my own. I miss my lover. Breathe! I long for my close friends. I yearn for my cat Stripey and feel him next to me often in the deep of the night. I am regularly deeply exhausted from traveling and from always needing to “land” in a new space, city or country. I don’t have my regular dentist, hairdresser, nail salon or yoga studio on hand. Or the supermarket where I don’t have even think where the milk is when I walk in. Autopilot doesn’t exist out here. So I usually look like a woolly mammoth 4 weeks after I leave SA (I have been known to walk into a male barbershop to get the back of my hair done with clippers whilst I long for my salon of choice – this gal has to TRY and stay video friendly ya know). I do my own nails – thanks to my Nan as I learned to be a superb nail painter doing her feet growing up. I have a very cool and sexy yoga app on my phone: DOWN DOG Meditation reminder to keep me sane: HEADSPACE Lots of audiobooks – better earphones are on my wishlist! Oh, Dubai is my next work stop so that might be a little shopping spree. If you have favourite brands, please let me know! Plus a sassy and HOT Latin American mix made by yours truly, Naldo. If ever you see a crazy white woman with wild silver hair doing a little salsa step and hip gyration whilst walking down the street, it might just be me! I also travel with my biokineticist sitting on my shoulder nudging me on– with my ball and band and make sure I do core exercises.
There is generally a huge lack of routine, lack of familiarity, lack of community, lack of support, different beds (definitely not good for my dodgy spine), even a couch every now and then, deep loneliness, airports, LOTS of airports and air-conditioning and time wasted traveling. I have learned to turn the travel time into an art. I am not swanning around the world in business class, so trust me when I say it’s exhausting traveling across the globe.
I have learned that I need way more sleep than I used to. Ha- maybe that one is just aging and nothing to do with travel?
I know you would think it’s all exciting being in different locations, but you have to recalibrate everything in every new place! Sometimes my credit cards and cash cards don’t work no matter how many steps I take to improve that from the South African side, or my phone doesn’t work. The other day I had $50 of groceries at the checkout, and three cards didn’t work. Embarrassing. Walk across the street and draw cash out with the very same cards and go back to pick up groceries. Go figure! Oh my gosh – my cash flow gets dangerously low when living in a Northern Hemisphere more than the southern.
Traveling all over the world also means I miss out on much work because people cannot “see” me. I’m not at all the events in one city, or can pop out to see a client.
Most things are working, and some things could 100% be improved! That is called life. And I wouldn’t change a thing! Well…. except seeing my loved ones more!
FLIRT DEEPLY WITH PEOPLE AND LIFE! ALWAYS! This one is super simple, but maybe not that easy. Get turned on by life, people, the planet and the possibility of magic all around you. Be memorable! Flash your pearly smile, make eye contact and be intimate with people and fall in love with life every day. By this I mean, be kind, be open, be interested AND interesting. Find that magnetic part of you, that is truly you and share that with people. Our world needs to be flirted with. Do you do that?Most importantly, when someone says “Hey, you should meet so and so”, just say YES and do it. I have had THE most magical fun, and fortuitous meetups through the most bizarre, wonderful circumstances. From a generous woman Illana I literally met the day before I left SA when having my eyebrows done (oh gosh, add that to my list above), who then introduced me to her friend Mel here in SF, where I landed up staying for two nights in her spare room and doing my first ever USA local movie (yes yes already did MY movie premiere in Las Vegas but this was in a regular theatre); to looking for the BLUE ANGELS on fleet week together, and being introduced to others in her network all from that one little mail saying- oh you must meet so and so.Then one of my writers penning their book in Amsterdam (originally from the Bay area) introduced me to her cool writer friends here in SF – we became friends over the past few months and was generously offered her home (aka palace) that I’m looking after right now – well actually let me be honest and say the house is really looking after me! Then by simply being here (read #1 SHOW UP above) next week I move into the neighbours home to stare at this stupendously glorious view a little longer and look after a gorgeous kitty called Eames.
HONOUR THE DAY AND GET OUTSIDE I fell into a deep emotional hole (it’s been a bit of a theme this year) the first couple of weeks when I arrived in the USA. I was really battling in a housesit- way too much clutter, junk, and dirt everywhere for me, so it felt like I should have been working in the house as an organizing job to sort it out, yet it wasn’t my place. nor was I being paid to do that. I felt like I was being swallowed up every which way I turned. I wondered what the HELL I had done by just getting on a plane and showing up to just BE in the USA for three months with no plans and no work. Thank goodness for animals, yoga at a local studio, accessing the community and a friend who reminded me to look for beauty and signs wherever I was. I went for a walk and found all the things she told me to look for! I had been holed up with my computer with clients in SA and already stressing about USA cash flow, so was feeling totally constricted in every sense of the word. My Mum reminded me to get out of the house every day– and I remembered, DUH, to go and work in coffee shops. And the very first time I lodged myself onto the Starbucks seat, I got chatting to someone and my day was brightened. I make it a point to get out, meet people and drink good coffee, or the evil thing below. How can you get out and connect today?
My new decadence – coffee mocha salted caramel freezochino. Limited to ONE per two weeks
TRUST TRUST TRUST Short but sweet – No matter how hard life gets, there is no more to say other than TRUST TRUST TRUST. And then, trust some more. And when you can’t, talk to someone who does, until you can trust again. I’m off to look at this sublime view at the bottom, so until next time, see what you can do to try out one of these life hacks!
ARE YOU GOING TO CLOSE OUT STRONG IN 2017?
I am about to embark on the last process I run for the year and it’s my favorite signature mastermind titled CLOSE OUT STRONG. If you want to end YOUR year on a high and close out with energy, mindfulness and learn to harness the highs and the lows, then GRAB A PLACE HERE.
What to do when what you do isn’t doing you! How to move gently through the space of being “bored” of and questioning your supposed passion.
Damn I hate this space – has that feeling ever fallen like the soft patter of rain around you but at some point starts shifting in energy and begins feeling more like it’s a choking smog noosing your neck? When you start feeling a mixture of bored and hemmed in by your very own business, your very own passion. The one YOU created. The one where you can’t blame your boss or your company because well, essentially, YOU created it all.
Oh, the sweet, annoying irony!
I’m in that love-hate relationship right now. With my energy levels, my enthusiasm, my business model, and my future dwelling. It’s a tad too ironic for me! If you read my second book DITCH YOUR GLITCH you will already know the pain ‘n pleasures I faced when having to repurpose my life 8 years go. And I feel a similar time is dawning. A time to think about a new way to do. DO LIFE.
There are honestly days where all I want is a million bucks (not too greedy but can it be in dollars please!) stashed in an offshore account somewhere (can you tell I DON’T have one of those yet), and the luxury of 6 months with ZERO obligations.
I’m fast realizing I have already packed one hundred and fifty years worth of experiences into my meager 49 (on Monday 24th April) years! Some days I love the work I do – feel blessed, ignited, engaged, tuned in, and on others – well let’s say the love factor is a tad lacking.
I want, no NEED to create a new way – forge a new rhythm. It helps me help you better! Going location free last year helped me create an even more beautiful life where I get to travel and share my energy with more people globally, but at the same time there is a lack of …..yes and what next? Trying to live each day in the moment coupled with where is this all going. I do NOT have all the answers, so I am merely musing about how do I, YOU and us navigate awkward space when it is upon us?
Do you recognize this – where some days you love the work you do and quite frankly there are also other days you just don’t give a damn. This is true for me and I know this is possibly gonna make you think – hell girl, how on earth can I trust you enough to work with you to help me shift my life?
Well because I’m busy re-configuring things, just like you are. Finding a way forward without dropping all I have worked so hard for. Does that ring true for you too? I know I need some more drastic changes again to step it all up another notch. It is notches, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s little steps, other times a salsa move here and there, next some massive leaps and then periods of confusion and rest. I feel the older I get simultaneously the “scareder” and the bolder I get. I have to wrestle the fear monster to the ground more often and embrace the bold leaper in me more and more. Our tomorrow isn’t promised, so the question is,”What to do when what you do isn’t doing you?”
When the appeal of having to inspire, cajole, shift someone towards their goals or just listen to someone ever again seems too much to ask in the moment and the thought of a six-month silent meditation retreat way up on a hilltop rates high on the appeal list, then I know it’s time! When I start oscillating like this I know I’m in for a bit of a ride that involves culling, setting new boundaries and calling on some bigass boldness in what I choose to channel my work energy into.
I know what it is – I have just been procrastinating!
That’s also the joy of getting older – I really don’t have to try and do everything and the biggest gift to myself is alignment and doing what matters the most and gives my soul the best kick of energy in return. Are you at that point yet? I know I’m just messing with my head – because helping and inspiring others in some form just lives in my blood. So I know a few things that I suggest to myself to do when the “What to do when what you do isn’t doing you” mode kicks in…
Get more self-care – massage, reflex, support etc
Practise KINDNESS – for me and YOU
Close out some things draining my energy
Say no to stuff I really don’t want to do
Make different decisions about work I choose to go after for the next 6 months
Be bolder with my fees and simultaneously the value I offer
Just let the stuff going on in my head and heart play itself out – sit with it and befriend it for a while
Stop forcing it to shift, ‘cos I know my personal tide will shift – just like yours will.
Like writing blog posts. I last did a newsletter to my database at the end of March, and no matter how often I saw the “task” reminding me to love my database and send a newsletter -I just couldn’t muster up any enthusiasm to write to you. Rude? Mmm, perhaps just honest. Then at the ungodly hour of 1.30 am this morning, with a bit of jet lag still lurking, an energizing call with our professional writer’s mastermind group and the weight of my partner in the hospital, I find myself wide-eyed and willing to write again. LUCKY you ha ha.
SO, WHAT TO DO NEXT? If you feel like I’m not a total nutter then my birthday gift to YOU is valued at R397 ($30)
Please grab this opportunity to enjoy my special CAPPUCCINO CHALLENGE – a way to fall in love with yourself again as you put yourself at the top of your priority list for just 20 minutes a day.
At absolutely no charge.
It is loved by thousands who have been through it – you will get a zap of energy every day when offered a challenge that will take you NO longer that 20 minutes- the time it takes to drink that cappuccino. It’s all about small tweaks for big leaps. And don’t worry; it’s all pre-loaded when you sign up so you don’t have to rely on my daily status update or whether I’m in Love or Loathe mode :) Sign up, and you will get a mail every day for 30 days! It’s really a cool course, I promise you!
I woke up this morning really not knowing WHAT to share with you on the blog today. I have committed to creating and sharing something with you twice a month, so I reverted to one of my personal transformational tools to help me decided what message I needed to listen to for myself, and share with you.
I burst out laughing when this was what I / we got:
LEAP OF FAITH.
Instantly I had a newsletter!
The summary of this message is: Take a risk and put your heart’s TRUE desire into action. Procrastination about your dreams won’t make them go away! Neither will it make them happen. Indecision is the soul’s burning passion to improve, grow and learn” – D. Virtue
So often clients will come to me wanting support on WHICH decision to make. Now honestly, how many decisions are truly life long ones? Sometimes I think we place too much emphasis on the “RIGHT” decision. Successful souls simply make decisions, move on, and change tack when they need to. They are more inclined to make quick decision, and slower to change them. Could you learn to be a bit more decisive, trust your heart, just say yes OR no, without hesitation?
For those of you that are totally risk averse, give yourself a deadline i.e. “I will investigate and mull and dither until the 31st July” Bottom line is, YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND LATER. Oooh, imagine that! A decision is never right or wrong, it is simply a decision!
Only the decision to have children and getting married (well perhaps even that latter is not even permanent is it?) are decisions for life. Once you have a child you cannot alter that fact. All else however, can be shifted, adjusted, tweaked, improved and totally switched. What freedom of choice.
Do you know how much ENERGY it steals from you to be in the DITHER zone? That energy can be re-directed with purpose and be spent on ACTIVATING your heartfelt choice – starting your business, getting married, moving country, falling pregnant (we know that takes lots of energy hee hee). It can even be the decision on what to wear, which route to take to your destination or starting a hobby. Learn to hone in on your heart and soul and trust yourself – whether it is about your choice of ice cream flavor or your safety when driving home at night and you feel a little weird – go around the block again or call someone to see you in the gate.
YOUR LEAP OF FAITH can be about the small decisions you make daily as well as the bigger ones you are being urged to press PLAY on.
So, what are the things you are shying away from? What does YOUR HEART truly desire right now? If you feel stuck, get support, a team, a mastermind group, counseling or a kick up the proverbial to realize your life is dashing past you– who cares how much help you need to surround yourself with as you flex your faith muscles.
The moment you make a decision, the magic will start happening. I teach about making space in your life, then letting everything flood in to greet you. The moment you make space by making one decision, you are instantly culling all the others, like pruning a tree. Now you are able to accept ideas, advise, thoughts, dreams, serendipitous acts to help you on your way. The place of indecision, believing you cannot make your dreams come true, is a place of dithering death.
MOVE! DECIDE! TODAY!
What is the worst that can happen? You might trip and fall flat on your face, it might fail, you might hate what is it you have decided about. So what? At least now you know and can re-group and re-decide.
I recently had the pleasure of finding myself in the mad, crazy, decadent and innovative city of Las Vegas. Whilst filming the transformational movie titled “The Secrets of the Keys”, I naturally found myself having insights about life in general, which you can find below…
And of course, whilst everyone goes there because “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” I am definitely operating from the exact polar opposite as this movie sure as heck should NOT BE STAYING IN VEGAS! You will see below in the pics what I have done to add fuel to the intention for everyone involved , as we want it to reach the corners of the globe and help people along their path. There is an amazing chalk wall in the Container Park, where I scribed “The Secrets of the Keys” goes international. Love Kate. Immediately two twenty -somethings asked me what it was about – The power of spreading the idea! I wonder if it is still there?
The producer Robin Jay that I met last year in USA, absolutely trusted her intuition and guidance when co-creating with all the experts, stars and crew. When we all gathered on set for first morning, there was immediate synergy, respect, connection and a feeling of knowingness between us all. It truly was seeing trust come into manifest form. I also had to trust that this was right for me, and all the work required to get myself there, was a risk of epic proportions that has already paid off.
All the experts featured with me in the movie! The most amazing people that will inspire you…
INSIGHT FOR YOU: where can you trust your gut to form more powerful alliances and collaborations to leverage your energy, time and ideas? The first answer that pops into your head will be the right one.
BUILD IT AND THEY WILL COME
Las Vegas just oozes this concept for me. Who would have thought way back when they decided it would be a good idea to create this city and legalize gambling and casinos, that decades later it is still a mecca for madness and decadence. Seeing it in the movies is one thing, but actually seeing it in reality is a mind trip. Not other way to describe it. They have created this oasis that reflects other parts of the world, with New York, the Pyramids, Eiffel tower, Venice and more. They have created a city that for all intents and purposes shouldn’t be there, PLONK in the middle of the desert.
INSIGHT FOR YOU: If something as crazy as Las Vegas can be built and then attract people, what could YOU build that people would be willing to experience and pay for. Build what it is you dream about!
Walking around in Vegas is a bit like being a star struck extra in the movie “The Hangover “– in fact there was even someone dressed-up like the character with the baby – just to pay in order to have pictures taken with him. I saw things and people that made even me drop my jaw in awe/ shock/ surprise/ delight. From elderly men in mono-kinis, (my opinion a tad “disgusting” lol) to a guy with a cardboard sign saying kick me in the nuts for $20, (funnily bizarre) to show girls all glitz and glam (delightfully gorgeous), to the awesome Container Park (inspirational use of old shipping containers filled with fabulous artists), to a ten year old powerhouse classical music performer and dancer doing her thing entertaining the crowd with her Gutspa (see pic). Everyone pretty much does what they want, no excuses other than the excuse to do as you please. It is an opportunity to be outrageous – as permission is implied the nano-second you set foot in the city limits. Everything is louder, bolder, ballsier, bigger (including the big boobs flashed readily in the old Freemont St) and definitely brighter.
INSIGHT FOR YOU: If you dared to not give a darn about what everyone thinks and try to be boldly outrageous, what could you do to shift your life and business?
INNOVATION TO INDIVIDUALISE
Same same same same same. SAME! Every hotel has HUGE casinos, smoking inside, free booze, somewhat “shady” waitresses, outlandish decorations according to the over-the-top theme and many fun shenanigans to get you to part with your dollars or RANDS . I went into about 10 of the big hotels, as that’s what one does when walking the strip right? They all started feeling the same – noisy, busy, smoke filled and glitzy.
All but two (of the ones I saw).
My first delight at realizing one has to differentiate (and let me be clear they all are decorated differently, but for ME the underlying essence remains the same) was the moment I stepped into the Bellagio Hotel . Not only does it have the well known water fountains dancing to music every half hour or more, it also has the most exquisite hand-blown glass flowers by Chihuly in the reception ceiling – it felt like being underwater with multicoloured jellyfish. I gasped with delight and just stared. See pic.
But their real differentiator is the Atrium just after reception. People flock to see this masterpiece as it is altered and updated every season, so 4 times a year. And this is a huge undertaking. The theme for spring when I waltzed in was a Japanese garden, that was duplicated in the flowers around the hotel, the reception and elsewhere. Sublimely tasteful and exquisite. ZEN. YUM. It was a bit like a mini Chelsea Flower Show with a kimono clad Japanese woman playing the piano live, accompanied by a flute.
The second was finding the tranquil oasis known as The Mandarin Oriental. Quiet and discreet, with NO casino (J). When I walked in all I found were some beautiful zen spots of contemplative sitting. I had to ask where the reception was – none other than a 23rd floor SKY LOBBY. I slowed down here for some sushi and writing in my journal – when I left an hour later I honestly felt like I’d visited a day spa.
INSIGHT FOR YOU: Even when your business appears to be the same as everyone else’s, how can YOU stand out and be noticed. Where could you innovatively go against the common grain?
5. GOOEY GLUE POWER
I had the lifetime pleasure of seeing Diana Ross strut her Diva self on stage. The epitome of glamour puss, singing powerhouse, deeply passionate about her craft and in love with the audience, she put on a memorable show. She oozes love, life, sex appeal and class. Plus gowns with feathered trains wafting behind her that made her a treat to watch flouncing up and down whilist belting out all her old favourites, backed by images of Mowtown and the supremes.
INSIGHT FOR YOU: Are you as committed as GOOEY glue to your profession, your life, your passion? Do you shine your light and ooze love from your pores? If you are bored, fed up, disinterested then what are you going to DO about it?
I hope this has given you some insight from Vegas- see you soon!
With Lightness, Kate
PS. Have you done my free video series to “Quick Shift 1 Thing”. You can sign up on www.kate-emmerson.com
Two monks left their monastery to pilgrim for a couple of years. They were not allowed to speak to anyone or touch anyone all the time they were travelling.
They got to a river where a woman was trying to cross but she couldn’t do so on her own, as she was too scared to.
The one monk wouldn’t help, given their directive from the monastery; but the other one picked her up, carried her across the river and set her down very safely on the other side.
The monks continue their journey together and arrived back at the monastery two years later.
When they had settled back, the monk who wouldn’t carry the woman said to the other one — “ how come you broke the rules we were given for our pilgrimage and carry that woman across the river … you KNOW we were not supposed to talk to or touch anyone?”. The other monk looked at him gently and said — “for two years you have carried this heavy load with you, but you see I put her down on the other side of the river and moved on!!”
Sums it up doesn’t it!!
So, where are YOU holding on long past your sell by date. I’m sure you know that I am passionate about all things that keep us stuck, heavy, in the past, bemoaning our situation — whether anything in your physical space that depletes your energy, people stealing your power (remember it’s only with YOUR consent though) and of course any body clutter stealing your va va voom.
So to share this passion and nudge you along your path to help YOU LET GO – read on, as I have a gift for you.
Getting rid of clutter of all descriptions is one of the easiest ways to start shifting your life. There is a very magical reciprocity between letting go and creating new flow. As you dare to be brave, take the next step and look at all aspects of your life, you will trigger such an amazing series of events that will catapult you forward to the next level.
In order to climb, you HAVE TO trust and let go of the branch below.
PERFECTION IS NOT WHEN THERE IS NO MORE TO ADD, BUT WHEN THERE IS NO MORE TO TAKE AWAY. Antoine de Saint-Expury.
As you know I always use my own life as inspiration for my musings to you, so as stuff comes up for me, I ask you the same thing… Do you ever feel as though you are letting yourself down? You say you’ll do something and then just let it slip off the radar?
As you know I always use my own life as inspiration for my musings to you, so as stuff comes up for me, I ask you the same thing… Do you ever feel as though you are letting yourself down? You say you’ll do something and then just let it slip off the radar? For e.g
1. Wash Mitsy the poodle but land up leaving her scruffy all weekend
2. Promise to call someone – you say…oh Kate we MUST catch up for coffee
3. Commit to start a new programme and then let it fizzle out in two days
4. Promise to write that important article/ letter but keep putting it last
5. Know you have several appointments outstanding but never get around to the dentist or medical check
6. Decided your will needs changing but just dont make the call to alter it
7. Decide to cut out wine in the week…until Monday evening
8. Say X ….then you somehow let yourself off the hook and just say it doesn’t matter and do Y.
Whilist we are all be busy in the crazy world of ours, this concept boils down to your PERSONAL integrity and whether or not you take yourself seriously, and have self respect. If you feel that others often let you down, break commitments and generally mess you around, start looking at yourself and if this is the kind of thing you do to YOURSELF?
If you say you are going to do something, then do it. It’s a mental choice. What would it take for you to become someone that YOU admire and respect?
If you dont do it, then how can anyone else?
If you would you like to become one of those people that when you say you are going to do something, that you do it, Ask yourself one question- Have I made commitments to myself /others that I am not honouring and how does this make me honestly feel?
Make a list of where you are out of personal integrity with yourself (and others if appropriate) and face the list. Pick one area that is weighing heavy on your heart and resolve to do it today.
What I know for sure:
As you start trusting yourself to honour your own word, it will undoubtedly boost your self esteem and your energy levels by knowing that your word means everything. The kick you will get out of being true to what you say will make you walk with a bounce. Do not let other things take priority and get in the way.
Resolve to be true to your word- just like my beautiful Tiger below called Stripey – he sure knows how to be TRUE to himself!
Whether this story is in fact true or not, it still rings true for me as a reminder in terms of the vast mistakes we can make when we dare to make assumptions about another human being,
Whether this story is in fact true or not, it still rings true for me as a reminder in terms of the vast mistakes we can make when we dare to make assumptions about another human being, or another situation — it also means we will potentially be making the same assumptions about ourselves in some way.
One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious.
When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the president’s secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner.
Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?”
She replied that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her.
President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant?”
To which Michelle responded, “No Dear, if I had married him, he would now be President!”
This story shows me the arrogance of us all, at some point. It has nothing to do with male versus female or quick wit in the moment. I wonder how many times a day I make a mis-judgement, some form of error or a minor false accusation (even without intending to be malicious or hurtful in any way).
Often we are just not “emotionally aware” enough to see what is really the story behind the story that we see, feel and perceive — we simply and simplistically want the way we assume things to BE the truth for e.g. in the case of the president above. We want to be correct and proven right — thus our inability to see the truth because of what it might enforce us to believe about ourselves, can lead to potentially grave errors. Errors that keep us stuck in a small point of view.
So when I read this, it made me stop and think about where do I tend to make arrogant assumptions, about YOU, me and the next person. How much kinder could our world be if we did in fact ask the right questions, rather than assume we know all the answers.
I am most guilty of this when it comes to intimate relationships – I tend bring so much of my stuff like past pain, past, jealousy and all the other ugly shadow aspects I don’t ever want to admit. And here comes the self judgement — that because of the work that I do and the message I spread in the world, that I “should” have it all better together. But blow me down, I can get into that dangerously assumptive space like a teenager reduced to ridiculousness. Then in other areas I feel like I’m flying high at tertiary level, passing cum lade. Such is the lesson of life that we have to grow through. But there they are — my assumptions that I continue to work on, be friend, cajole them out of the wood work, break pieces of real wood to help me break through the barrier. And yes, I see relief and shifts, but I know there can always be more too. So I constantly work on the angle of where am I making assumptions that will make me play out the old scenarios linked to past baggage rather than help me to step up into a new form of relationship. Maybe your glitch is also relationships, or perhaps it shows itself in career, finances, health, family?
I am interested in the letting go of the assumptions that keep me small so I can be more fully present with YOU, in this moment. Leaving my own old lenses with which I can view the world beside me, and be willing to step across the threshold of vulnerability….
So my challenge to myself and to you, dear reader, is to go about your day and your week questioning your motives, your intentions and your assumptions. When you find that someone makes an incorrect assumption about you, why not see if you can let them down gently and put the “record” straight so to speak. Help open their eyes and hearts. See if you can do your level best to stop perpetuating assumptions about what can and can’t be done. What you can and can’t be achieved, where money does and doesn’t come from. To attempt to be more expansive, open, willing trusting and playful.
And of course, as always, I’d love to hear your views so please leave me a comment or interact with me on my facebook page here